This unrepeatble life

There was a Hassidic master of the late eighteenth century named Zusya of Anipoli.  He is portrayed in several Hassidic tales as humble and lighthearted. In one of the tales, told by Martin Buber in his Tales of the Hasidim (vol. 1, pg 251), Zusya was on his deathbed and those who were close with him came to be with him and to perhaps here his last words.  

Sometime during this process he is alleged to have said “When I get to the Heavenly Court they will not ask me “Why were you not one of the great masters like Moses?” They will ask me “Why were you not Zusya?” 

In what way are we not ourselves? 

We spend a lot of time lost in thought, and to even call it thought is often charitable. We also spend a considerable portion of life outside the body–not literately, of course.  

James Joyce, in one of his short stories in Dubliners, makes a mind-stopping observation about one of his characters: 

“Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.” 

I think what is being asked here is what if we are not truly living the life we were given? And what does this mean?  

As the year comes to a close, I think it might be beneficial to look back and ask to what degree were we living a little ways off from our life? 

How often do we give in to fear and slinker away from the being true to our self, from being intimate? How often do we given in to cynicism? To analyzing our life in terms of calculating the odds of gaining advantage or of losing ground?  

We can talk the talk, but walking the path means to be truly human, to really live this precious, unrepeatable life.  Buddhism challenges us to choose forbearance, patience and understanding over self-interest and quick solutions. The path prompts us to shake loose those aspects of our self which aren’t genuine. We get to know them very well when we take our seat and make a commitment to be with our selves.  

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience,” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote.  

The Zen teacher Cheri Huber, in Trying to be Human, tweaked this phrase a little when she wrote “we are not human beings trying to be spiritual, but spiritual beings trying to be human.” 

What if the true human being is utterly ordinary? Yet extraordinary in her utter simplicity and clarity of being? That’s the challenge and the invitation of maturing Dharma practice.

To be grateful is to be open to the mystery

We could say we are all searching for something. We sometimes receive a glimpse of a something which seems to be very much like the something we are looking for, but this something initally doesn’t act in a way we have been led to believe the something we are searching for would behave. This something seems to be always available, yet we cannot grasp it.
 
Perhaps this something flows like fluids and electrolytes between the extracellular and intracellular compartments in cells by passive diffusion. Could it be that this something, like water, flows from an area of high concentration to an area of less concentration?
 
The fullness of awareness, of presence, of joy flows into us to the degree we become empty.
 
T.S. Elliot put it this way:
 
 
In order to possess what you do not possess,
    you must go by way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
     you must go by the way in which you are not.
 
 
Aren’t there moments when seemingly out of the blue we get a glimpse of the ground of our being?
 
Perhaps the experience, however fleeting, leave us somehow knowing intuitively that we are both at home here and now and yet somehow on the way to this here and now.
 
This is not about either or but rather and.
 
Could this be the starting point and the end of the spiritual journey?
 
Again, T. S. Elliot:
 
 
….the end precedes the beginning,
and the end and the beginning we always there
Before the beginning  and after the end.
And all is always now….
 
 
We seem to have two aspects of the experience of the something we are searching for–it’s here and it isn’t.
 
It’s here when we are open and empty to it, as if simply flows in like water from a place of greater concentration to a quiet heart.
 
But while there it can’t be grasped.
 
This is where the experience of the Christian mystics is so illuminating–they speak in all the world’s languages of God’s immanence (being closer to me than I am to myself) and Her transcendence—(beyond the beyond, beyond time, space, birth, death).
 
Let’s hear what the the Rinzai Master Hakuin said about this in 18th century Japan:
 
 
Living beings originally are Buddha.
 
            It is the same with water and ice.
 
There is no ice separate from water;
 
Outside of living beings, no Buddha.
 
Because living beings are unconscious of the intimate,
 
            They seek it far away. Alas how pitiful!
 
It is like the examples of someone sitting in the middle of water
 
            But crying out in thirst; and,
 
While still being the son of a millionaire’s family,
 
As a strange good-for-nothing he loses his way in the countryside living in poverty.
 
The causes and conditions of the revolving wheel of the six appearances
 
            Are but one’s own road through the darkness of ignorance;
 
The several perfections such as charity, morality, and such;
 
            Chanting Buddha’s name, confession and repentance, austerities, and the like;
 
The many good deeds and various virtuous pilgrimages;
 
All these are coming from within it.

Nothing to do or undo

“Happiness can not be found

through great effort and willpower,

but is already present,

in open relaxation and letting go.

Don’t strain yourself,

there is nothing to do or undo.

Whatever momentarily arises

in the body-mind

has no real importance at all,

has little reality whatsoever.

Why identify with,

and become attached to it,

passing judgement upon it and ourselves?

Far better to simply

let the entire game happen on its own,

springing up and falling back like waves

without changing or manipulating anything

and notice how everything vanishes and reappears, magically,

again and again, time without end.

Only our searching for happiness

prevents us from seeing it.

It’s like a vivid rainbow which you pursue

without ever chatching,

or a dog chasing its own tail.

Although peace and happiness

do not exist as an actual thing or place,

it is always available

and accompanies you every instant.

Don’t believe in the reality of good and bad experiences;

they are like today ephemeral weather,

like rainbows in the sky.

Wanting to grasp the ungraspable,

you exhaust yourself in vain.

As soon as you open and relax

this tight fist of grasping,

infinite space is there -

open, inviting and comfortable.

Make use of this spaciousness, this

freedom and natural ease.

Don’t search any further

looking for the great awakened elephant,

who is already resting quietly at home

in front of your own hearth.

Nothing to do or undo,

nothing to force,

nothing to want,

and nothing missing -

Emaho! Marvelous!

Everything happens by itself.”

-By Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche

your original face

Hui-neng (638-713), asked “Without making good or bad in that moment, what is your original face before your parents were born?”

He is asking us what is our original face before any ideas, images, feelings that you have been carrying like so much baggage.

When we look into this question, which means to actually ask yourself “What is your original face before our parents were even born?” we are thrown back on our most primal, pristine self. Just in that moment of asking honestly and deeply.

In that moment’s asking we open a door into one instant of total freedom, uncluttered and unhindered by our mind and personal history.

If we are sincere and ask without expectation, just see–there is nothing to heal, no self which needs improvement, or which could be improved. We return in that instant to our original self.

When you perceive that for one instant, wait a while, and ask again. See how the mind wants to control or own the process. Drop all that.

We begin to see how much we are carrying around. And we also see how one single vertical stroke takes us out of that stuff’s gravitational pull.

In one instant.

“What was your original face before your parents were born?”

Karl Renz has a nice answer: “You are that which is prior to any kind of peace or conflict, prior to every sensation, perception, or concept. All this appears and disappears within you. Longing and seeking are also part of these appearances. You don’t need the fulfillment of any kind of seeking in order to be what you already are. For this, nothing has to come and nothing has to go. You yourself are the fulfillment.”

you suffer because you forget who you are

“Within each of us is the soul of the whole.
When it breaks through our intellect it is genius.
When it breathes through our will it is virtue.
When it flows through our affection it is love.”
 
Emerson 

Our essence is this boundless heart-mind. When it flows through us unimpeded by our stuff (what is Buddhism are called the “adventitious contaminants of our mind stream”) it manifests as pure, unconditional love–bodhicitta.
 
We suffer because we forget who we are. We get caught up in smallness, and disconnect from the depth of who we are.  We limit the limitless, as Pema Chodron once remarked.
 
Meditation encourages us to not be afraid of ourselves and to not turn away from our source. This takes a deeply humbling, radical, non-judgmental honesty that gives us the courage to look at every aspect of ourselves.
 
Something has to break the habituated patterns of who we falsely take ourselves to be or just we keep cycling.
 
For me, the following poem, from an anonymous 12th century Buddhist woman, shows what this practice of radical honesty points to.
 
“Watching the moon at dawn
solitary, mid-sky,
I knew myself completely,
No part left behind.”
 
This is spiritual warrior practice! Meditation is a mind-turning practice. Practice orients us again and again back toward our own goodness, our own benevolent nature. And that intention to turn toward our goodness is the goodness in action.
 
So it can be as simple as saying from our hearts “May all being be happy.” If you don’t think about it and just say it from your heart, joy trickles it.
 
It’s magic.

review of the basics

“The ultimate point of view is that there is nothing to understand, so when we try to understand, we are only indulging in acrobatics of the mind. Whatever you have understood, you are not. Why are you getting lost in concepts? You are not what you know, you are the knower. “

Nisargadatta Maharaj. From “Prior to Consciousness: Talks with Nisargadatta Maharaj.”

Let’s review the basics.

1. We can’t deny that we on occasion we experience discontent, anxiety, fear, and a host of other afflictions including sickness, old age and death. Let’s call this part of our experience “suffering” (as that is the word most translators use for the Buddhist term dukkha).

2. We suffer because we forget who we really are. Who we really are, also known as our true nature, is peace, untouched by sorrow. Suffering happens within our true nature, but our true nature is unaffected. If we identify with the self our thoughts spin, we suffer. If we identify with our true nature, we are always free and happy.

3. Spiritual practice is about discovering our true nature. Here are some further points for contemplation: The resolution of the problems of life—suffering—comes with the clear seeing of our true nature. It is not an understanding in the mind, as these are merely concepts. It’s a direct, intuitive relaxing into the openness of our being.

For something to be our true nature, it must be here already, otherwise it would be some future fantasy, it would not merit the term our true nature. Our true nature is our being, and it is not something distant or somehow separate from who we are. We are not obtaining something new. We are simply clarifying something which is already present, which perhaps has gone not fully appreciated all our lives. We are not waiting for some future experience. We are not waiting to finally achieve some special state of mind or “enlightenment.”

We are simply clarifying our already-present ordinary, day to day experience of being alive. How to do this clarification? A first step could be to simply think about our lives. Our true nature is present in our ordinary life of going to work, raising kids, taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, paying taxes, shopping for groceries, making love and driving on the freeway. Our true nature is unchanging and ever-present; otherwise it would be just another passing phenomena.

Let’s assume this is so (you might have to simply allow yourself to stretch a little here; for some, this does not involve any stretching.) If we wish to look for validation of this, we can simply read the wealth of writings from the world’s mystical traditions, which offer surprising agreement on this point.

If our true nature is unchanging and ever-present in our ordinary life, then the following categories of contenders could not be our true nature, as they undergo decay over time:

Thoughts

Feelings

Perceived objects

Sensations Mental states

If we set these aside, we simply ask what remains? If we feel that there is nothing beside these, then we would have to assume that our true nature does not exist, it is just a fantasy. Consider this alternative: Despite the changing parade of thoughts, feelings, sensations, sounds and mental states, don’t we somehow know that we remain present through out this passing show?

If we didn’t remain present and aware through the passing show, how would we know the existence and duration of passing experiences? Shall we simply call this capacity—presence? Ask yourself: is this presence aware? Could it be that the sense of being present and aware is what we truly are, as it is the only possible remainder when the passing aspects are subtracted? We not talking about two different things here: presence and awareness of aspects of our silent being-ness. Our true nature.

Once we settle into this insight, we can begin to harvest the rewards. We suffer because we forget who we are by focusing on what we are not—thoughts, emotions, sensations, etc. Suffering is relieved by settling into an experience of being. Right here, right now.

There is no actual defective person, only thoughts that construct one. The implications of this inquiry are revolutionary. We can talk about it until the cows come home. Better to have a silent, sweet experience of our true nature right here and right now.

As Nisargaddata said in the opening lines: “Whatever you have understood, you are not. Why are you getting lost in concepts? You are not what you know, you are the knower. “

Let’s not get lost in concepts about our true nature. Rather, let’s experience it now and live our lives infused with the ease and dignity of this ongoing experience.